Denim Vests! The Human Fund said my cheque for the year has been received - what can I say ... I was feeling extra generous after a couple strong nights on the pole. 2018, like every year, has been off the chain. But, in proper Festivus tradition, I still have a couple of grievances to air. Here they are in no particular order: - Heating. Why do department stores, offices and just about any other place in London need to have the heat that high? Will a bit of cold or the fresh air kill you? Set the temperature to 18 Celsius and if you can’t hack it put a jumper on. Nuff said. - As a purveyor of media and the owner of a modern handheld device I respect the desire to watch videos, Skype your cousin in Bhutan, fight with your ex on FaceTime, listen to a Mexican metal goth band's latest single ... but for everyone’s sake make sure you have headphones on NO MATTER WHERE YOU ARE (this was literally happening when I typed this). - Roundabouts in Australia. If it has two lanes, the outer lane has to exit on either the first or second exit … it’s a given. If there isn’t a first exit directly on your left, then you can proceed straight ahead safely. It’s the rules ... so there’s no need for road rage. A bi-partisan individual witness this and confirmed my grievance on two occasions. - People. Well that pretty much covers anything I missed. Anyway, the bagel shelves might empty, but my devotion to Festivus is stronger than ever … and like most beliefs, I managed to convince some peeps to help me create this little masterpiece. Big ups to Matthew Meadows for the Illustrations and Grace Cross for the ‘I have a serious cold why are you bothering me’ Voicing. Love yous dearly, and I will be sure to go easy on the feats of strengths. I’ve probably said more than I should so ... Happy Festivus and all that other hoo-ha (if that's your thing) and as always, catch each of you on the flip side. Jonas

Denim Vests!

The Human Fund said my cheque for the year has been received - what can I say ... I was feeling extra generous after a couple strong nights on the pole. 2018, like every year, has been off the chain. But, in proper Festivus tradition, I still have a couple of grievances to air.

Here they are in no particular order:

• Heating. Why do department stores, offices and just about any other place in London need to have the heat that high? Will a bit of cold or the fresh air kill you? Set the temperature to 18 Celsius and if you can’t hack it put a jumper on. Nuff said.

• As a purveyor of media and the owner of a modern handheld device I respect the desire to watch videos, Skype your cousin in Bhutan, fight with your ex on FaceTime, listen to a Mexican metal goth band's latest single ... but for everyone’s sake make sure you have headphones on NO MATTER WHERE YOU ARE (this was literally happening when I typed this). 

• Roundabouts in Australia. If it has two lanes, the outer lane has to exit on either the first or second exit … it’s a given. If there isn’t a first exit directly on your left, then you can proceed straight ahead safely. It’s the rules ... so there’s no need for road rage. A bi-partisan individual witness this and confirmed my grievance on two occasions.

• People. Well that pretty much covers anything I missed. 
  

Anyway, the bagel shelves might empty, but my devotion to Festivus is stronger than ever … and like most beliefs, I managed to convince some peeps to help me create the above masterpiece. 

Big ups to Matthew Meadows for the Illustrations and Grace Cross for the ‘I have a serious cold why are you bothering me’ Voicing. Love yous dearly, and I will be sure to go easy on the feats of strengths.

I’ve probably said more than I should so ... Happy Festivus and all that other hoo-ha (if that's your thing) and as always, catch each of you on the flip side.

Jonas

P.S. Find my beliefs odd? Clearly, you're new to the ever-growing list. Visit 2015 or 2016 or 2017 to see how much fun you’ve missed out on. 

Sam is hungry and feels like ham but can he abide by the rules of the deli? Sam Simmons is a Wallstud..he divides the room. He is not good at people, he has a weird looking head, his paranoid fantasies clutter the gutters of his mind and he doesn't look good in jeans.

Sam Simmons is one of the most daring and unconventional comics in Australia if not the world. Completely original and vastly absurd, he has one foot firmly planted into the soils of reality, and the other rooted deep into the psyche of being silly. TEDxSydney 2012 took place on Saturday 26 May 2012 at Carriageworks.

Saw this guy live a couple weeks ago at Soho Theatre ... loved every minute of it.  He's inspiring the shit out of me.  Thanks Sam.

P.S. Do you mind if I contact your agent about being in my short film?

Since watching the BBC series 'The Thick Of It' and the follow-on film 'In The Loop' I've be exposed to a plethora of new comebacks, slang and more importantly the word F*CK has re-gained it's crown as king.  Thanks Malcom.  It's been great to see how Armando Iannucci found his way to creating 'VEEP' - I have a whole new respect for modern english comedy.  

Now back to my to-do list!