“If your profile says ‘not a douche’ you’re a douche.”
“I don’t know Jerry, there’s a void. Something’s missing.”
“I love having staring competitions with babies, mostly because I always win. Suckers.”
“It’s just not worth doing without the right people.”
“Every time you speak the truth someone is going to hate you.”
“I literally eat a chicken a day. When I go to hell, I’m going to have the souls of thousands of dead chickens peeking me for eternity.”
“Filipinos don’t know what a vegan is.”
“Learn your craft: it will never stop you from being a genius.”
“You want a movie villain that people want to spit at.”
“The first rule of cinema is that a movie has to teach the audience how to watch it.”
“How does anybody ever think of anything?”
“People don’t buy what you do, they buy why you do it.”
“NyQuil on the rocks ... For when you’re feeling sick but sociable.”
“In life and work, I want to be more like Bill Murray.”
“We do burgers [referring to a pizza restaurant].”